My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
