I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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