Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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