drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
