it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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