Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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