watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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