i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
