Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize