Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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