Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
