yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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