do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
