I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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