Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
