I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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