If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
