he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
