We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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