I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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