ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
