i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
