its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
