I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
