actually, I'm a sock model
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize