apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
