Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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