omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
