I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
