KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
