She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize