I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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