Just took my morning after pill in the library
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
