Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
