I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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