I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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