cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
