I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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