My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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