I got chris browned last night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
