she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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