Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nutella sex= disaster
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
