I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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