Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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