Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
