we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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