The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
sex in a hospital.. check
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
