Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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