Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
