i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
