I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We are all done wearing pants today
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
