Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
