If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
