Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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