We're like a lot better than the average bears
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
