My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
