so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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