How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
