i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
