actually, I'm a sock model
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
