am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
