I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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