ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize