After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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