next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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