You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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