i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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