I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
