The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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