it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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